No one ever said I was a typical dragon. Sure, I lost my first scales when I was supposed to, blew smoke at the proper age, and even graduated Dragon High. But there was always something a little off, and even I could admit that.
For some reason, there were always little things I couldn’t seem to pull off on my own. Like, looking at humans. As a dragon, eating a human should have been my highest priority. After all, it was supposed to be my coming-of-age prize. But I couldn’t manage as much to look at a human, let alone daydream about what they would taste like.
Naturally, I did as best as I could to keep these thoughts to myself. They had ways of dealing with dragons who didn’t meet the mold, and I wasn’t about to live out the rest of my days in Antarctica!
Luckily, I managed to skate through just fine. My professors were too busy teaching us the dragon ways to worry about little old me. And, while some of my friends seemed to notice that I was a bit different from the rest, I managed to float through the social circles without much trouble.
It wasn’t until my first solo flight that the real trouble began.
It was a typical scene. The night sky filled with smoke…eager dragons ready to honor their family name and heritage…anxious parents flexing their wings nervously as their offspring disappeared over the horizon.
When it finally came time for me to make the flight, the excitement I felt burning in my stomach was almost overwhelming. The night was calm and cool – just right for a hunt. As the elders walked into the midst of us younger dragons, I looked back at my parents and smiled in anticipation.
The eldest dragon lifted his wings and roared, “Tonight is the night you become what you were meant to be.”
The crowd erupted into cheers.
“Now,” he continued after the noise died down a bit, “take flight and enjoy your first taste of human flesh!”
Again, the crowd roared and cheered as we took to the night sky. The wind whistled across my scales, and I could see sparkles all around as the moonlight flashed across each of us.
My mark was a little princess, just one kingdom over. A huge banquet was being held in her honor, and I was to snatch the guest of honor and solidify the dragon race at the top of all species.
But, as luck would have it, my night wasn’t going to go nearly as I had planned it to. It took two flights over the kingdom before I finally discovered the banquet hall I was to crash. Surprisingly, all the town’s lights had been extinguished, and the banquet hall was quiet and appeared deserted.
I looked around, thankful I didn’t see any humans. The fewer I had to deal with, the better. However, I must admit that I was pretty confused. Being the princess’s birthday, I had expected a lot more to deal with. Other than a few candles lit inside the castle windows, the entire village seemed to be sleeping.
Intrigued, I burned through the door to the banquet hall, annoyed that I wasn’t hearing screams of terror, and poked my head inside. At first, it appeared that all the guests had fled, and I would have to go home without my prize. But, then, I saw her. A pint-sized princess that looked so delicious my mouth began to water.
She wore a sparkly blue gown, and a tiny tiara sat crookedly upon her head. She held in her arms, a little piglet, which squealed every time she squeezed a bit harder. She seemed indifferent to my presence, but eventually looked up and wrinkled her nose at me.
“You smell funny,” she said matter-of-factly.
“Thank you?” I replied, trying my best not to look at her. My stomach lurched as I tried to build up the courage to finish the job. Something about her demeanor stopped me in my tracks, however. She wasn’t scared of me!
“Can I ask you something, little princess?” I asked.
“What,” she replied.
“You don’t seem that scared of me. Why is that?”
The little girl smiled.
“I’m a princess,” she smirked. “Do you know how much trouble you would be in if you ate a princess?”
“Is that so,” I asked. “What kind of trouble would I be in?”
“Wellll,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Daddy said that he once dealt with a dragon and he knew just what to do if they EVER showed up here again.”
“Hmm,” I mused. “What’s his plan?”
“Daddy said that all he had to do is find your dragon nest and kill you all.”
“He can’t do that,” I said, perplexed.
“He’s done it before,” she argued. “Before he was king, he hunted down an entire clan of dragons and wiped them out! How do you think he became king?”
“Are you talking about the Great Dragon Massacre of Arbor Hill?”
“I guess,” she said, obviously confused. “Because of that, no sane dragon would come into our kingdom and cause any trouble.”
“Well, I’m here, aren’t I?” I said, glaring at the pint-sized brat. “How is your dad going to stop me when I’m already here?”
“Oh, he will stop you,” she said undeterred. “Just wait and see.”
We sat in silence for a moment, me thinking about the princess’s scary daddy while the little girl squeezed her pig. It looked as though the pig were looking to me for an escape route. But, if it wanted my help, the result definitely wouldn’t have been pleasurable…for the pig at least. Finally, the princess sighed in frustration and gave me her full attention. The piglet seemed relieved.
“What DO you want?” she growled and stomped her tiny foot. “I’m tired of talking. I just want to hold my pig!”
For some reason, her attitude made me hesitate, and she didn’t wait for me to continue.
“Because if you’ve come to hurt my pig, like those other guys, I will stomp on your tail.”
I snickered. She glared at me.
“Stomp on my tail?” I asked. “How old are you, little one?”
“YES, stomp on your tail. He is my pig, and you are not going to eat him. When I was four, I didn’t have a pig, but now that I’m five, I do, and he is MINE.”
“Oh, so you’re five? Is today your birthday? I love birthdays! Do you want to come with me and get some special cake?”
The little girl pouted.
“My daddy said that I was going to get special cake,” she said and pouted. “But, first, he said that they had to cook my pig. But I don’t want a pig banquet. I just want a pig. I’m not hungry!”
She squeezed a little tighter on the pig, and he squealed in protest.
“Is that so?” I said with saliva dripping from my lips already wondering what piglet and a little 5-year-old princess would taste like together. At last, I was starting to show some interest in human flesh!
“What if I told you I could get you a cake, and you wouldn’t have to cook your pig?”
I watched the wheels in her head begin to turn.
“Daddy said that I wasn’t being good and that everyone was going to go home, so I can't have cake anymore.”
I looked at her with somber eyes.
“Ok, Mr. Dragon,” she said after making up her mind. “If you PROMISE not to eat my pig or me, you can take me to MY cake.”
I gave her a toothy grin, and she started in my direction. The pig, naturally, wasn’t a fan of the new course of direction and squealed even louder. She was about five feet away when it happened. My nose began to itch, and I suddenly let out a huge sneeze.
The little girl laughed and took a step closer.
“Silly, dragon! You sound funny!”
The closer she got, the less I could control myself. Sneeze after sneeze erupted from my nostrils until the little girl was nearly rolling on the floor due to laughter. I finally pulled my head out of the banquet hall and watched as the piglet wriggled from the little girl’s arms and darted between my feet towards safety.
A high-pitched scream erupted from the banquet hall. Suddenly, an angry, pint-sized princess was hurtling towards me. All the while, my sneezes wouldn’t stop so I could fly away from this disaster.
“You let him get away,” she screamed and began jumping up and down on my tail, as promised. Soldiers started pouring out of the nearby castle, and a burly man, whom I assumed was ‘daddy’ charged at me with his sword drawn.
Somehow, I was able to hold in just enough sneezes to make my escape. The guards cheered in victory as I took off into the night still sneezing.
I shook my head in disbelief as I finally realized why I had always felt a bit different my entire life. I am allergic to humans!